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The Smoking Moon

by Toby Vok

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  • Quite recently, or perhaps sometime soon (I can never recall exactly the correct directional flow of time, in the same way as just telling me to GO EAST leaves me confused as to whether I should turn left or right or some other direction betwext), I was/will be contracted by the government/a private contractor to investigate/instigate an anomaly upon the moon. This album tells/will tell the tale/told of this extraordinary event/apocalyptic horror, both in the dimension of musical sounds and, in an unauthorised account by an understanding bystander, the written word (with 11 original illustrations and a postcard).

    Yours in shock,

    Toby

    PS: The accompanying pamphlet also contains highly accurate lyrical transcriptions; a chronicle of further adventures (never musically acknowledged); extracts from my fortnightly job search diary; 2 recipes; 3 interviews; 4 spelling mistakes; and several mysterious holes.

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1.
the telephone rang and the machine awoke and after the beep, a grave voice spoke saying my assistance had been requested. I pricked up my ears, interested. the voice asked for me by my full name and implored me to pick up, if I was game. I did, and asked why I was required? the simple response: "the moon is on fire." I dropped the handset, slightly scared, drew the curtains and up I stared. binoculars hung by my side, but I could see with unaided eyes... it was exactly as I feared; a smoking ball, with no atmosphere. I turned on the radio, checked the news. scientists were quite confused: how could the moon's surface burn... with no supply of oxygen? I understood now why they needed me; I know the moon quite thoroughly. my expertise was quite unique; I travel there once or twice a week. I'm usually the first to know if something changes on that dusty globe, if anything stirs beneath the crust then I'm notified by people I trust. for something this big to go unspoken informed me that the system was broken. I picked up the phone, lowered my chin closed my eyes and said I'm coming in
2.
I couldn't get a taxi I couldn't get a train I had to use a crowbar to open up a drain the set of steps inside led down to a room where scuttling things concealed themselves and still things made their tomb the offices of pan nedrex aren't easily located asking for directions can get you assassinated I spoke a hundred passwords I recited fifty codes the office of pan nedrex is at the bottom of my road
3.
The General 03:51
he greeted me with shifting eyes and twitching hands and asked if I had had time to formulate a plan I lacked the information to confidently respond but nodded my acknowledgement and walked on. he stumbled along behind me and struggled to keep up offered me a beverage from an old, stained cup pointed at a whiteboard, with scrawled formulae where tired men muttered, faces grey. I saw it in an instant the source of their confusion if fire cannot burn on the moon it must be an illusion these were men of science their minds had become withered the cause of the phenomenon must surely be a wizard I sketched them out a diagram, a man in a pointed hat brandishing a cane, conversing with a cat their eyes bulged from their sockets with bafflement and rage at the suggestion that the moon was being controlled by a mage they said "there's no such thing as magic", the ignorant fools well that might be true on Earth, but the moon has its own rules they said "where there's smoke, there's fire", it's indisputable fact when I continued to dispute it, they cracked. the general led me away the scientists had broken they could not comprehend the ideas that I had spoken but he knew, of course he had known since the beginning and when he looked up from the floor he saw me grinning
4.
a pioneering scheme in the late seventies connected the earth to the moon the machine was constructed in great secrecy from blueprints found in Egyptian tombs nobody was sure if it would work, so it was highly classified especially after the test subjects returned without their eyes empty sockets, dreams of rockets, but no real brain activity they couldn't work out what went wrong... until they spoke to me I turned the project on its head with the things that I suggested I demanded that I be the first when the device was tested I battled against gravity and I knew I couldn't fail... I was the thirteenth man on the moon, and lived to tell the tale. the changes that I made were cleverly chosen, they were based on certain special qualities things I had noticed that made me unique, things specific to my biology by the time I was done, the budget was exhausted, further plans were left on the shelf there was no money left to generalise, to make the mechanism work with anyone else so, with a little planning and a little trickery I fixed the device in a way that suited me. unless the scientists worked to create a clone the space elevator was mine alone.
5.
An Ascent 04:32
having ascertained the smoke was a smokescreen all that remained was to prove it though the elevator door was blocked by a crate I needed no assistance to move it so eager was I to prove myself right that my hand shook as I pressed the switch and as the space elevator rose into the sky my eyeballs began to twitch I felt my skin tighten over my bones and my hair retract into my skull I had made this trip so many times that I no longer suffered at all I closed my eyes and felt my brain rattle around in my head safe in the knowledge that anyone else who tried this would end up dead there's no better feeling than leaving the earth knowing you can't be followed there's no piece of knowledge that I keep better hidden than this: THE MOON IS HOLLOW
6.
Arrival 04:22
felt feet finally find firm floor time stops in the space elevator legs land loosely, land-locked at last seconds turn into hours when thrusters blast heart heaves haltingly, hurts like hell but levels out and all is well brain begins to bloom, back to basics arrival quicker than any spaceship eyes open windows clouded smoke surrounded surface shrouded switch should switch, shields should shrink but nothing happens, locks won't unlink capsule can't cope with a confident kick doors shriek open and I step out quick elevator open hatch destroyed smoke surrounded fans deployed the smoke blows away to reveal a hole. a hole that I installed. from here I can descend below, to the sub-lunar halls. if I am right - and I AM right - this is where I'll find the source of all this mystic mist, and interrogate his mind.
7.
I let my eyes adjust to the gloom and cast my gaze around the room an entrance hall, a passing place a doorway on the wall that faced through door, to stairs, and down a level an open chamber, "what the devil?" standing in the low-lit hall a subterranean castle the turrets reached the chamber ceiling giving my head a spinning feeling but to give the castle plaudits rightful the design and build was beyond delightful the drawbridge spanned the empty moat a coathook beckoned for my coat a welcome mat, to brush my feet ...the castle-dweller expected me.
8.
Wizard Meat 03:32
I slowly let my head rotate to take in all I saw I stood on patterned carpet on an expanse of stone floor if this castle was old, and it was old, I'm sure, then why had I never seen it before? from the central staircase, a figure descended my explorations were swiftly apprehended I stepped back, into shadow I blended I suspected I was not about to be befriended the wizard appeared, in a flowing cloak he turned in my direction, and spoke his voice was low and dry, a croak vocal chords cracked from inhaling smoke I can see you step into the light I can see you step into the light I stepped out warily at the wizard's suggestion and prepared to ask him important questions but there was no need, it was his clear intention to tell me his plans without me needing to mention them let me tell you what I'm doing let me tell you what I'm doing let me tell you what I'm doing let me tell you why I'm here.
9.
"come with me", he said, "to surface level" "I'll flick a switch and clear away this smoke" I followed him back the way I had come and he performed the actions he spoke as the clouds billowed backwards I shook my head in disbelief at what I saw a web of wires and connected machines stretched out from the moon's hollow core "I'm bringing him back to life", he said "I'm waking the cosmic beast" the implications of what he said were grave, to say the least I knew the history, of course I'd studied the moon's cave art I knew that once, this dormant orb had been God's colossal heart. "with these machines", he said to me "I'll electrify the planet" "send power surging through his veins" "re-awake the giant" "he'll re-align the stars", he said his voice loud and insistent "he'll kill every man and beast" "and I will be his assistant"
10.
I knew I had to stop him I knew I had to act so, when he reached for the power switch that's when I attacked I pushed him down the moon-stairs I chased him underground I pushed his head into moon canals until he was half-drowned it wasn't an easy battle he fought back with great skill his magic made him very strong and he moved in for the kill but as he tried to blast me the water that he took in made him cough for just long enough that I regained my footing wizards may be magical and possess reserves of power but this wizard had left his staff in a distant castle tower without that ancient artefact relying on his mind alone I was finally able to knock him down and beat his brains out with a stone
11.
my return to earth would not be easy, for the elevator was broken the capsule hung limply from the supports, something deep inside was smoking I climbed inside but the door was stuck, it would only close part of the way if I had not known the things that I knew, I might think it was time to pray but instead, I held the door as closed as the door agreed to close and hammered on the panel until flashing sparks arose I jumped on the elevator floor and felt it swing and rattle using up all the energy I had left from the wizard battle as I leapt and shook and pounded fearing I was stuck forever a panel came loose on the elevator wall revealing a release lever (or "lever") I licked my lips and checked my pulse and pulled, with all my might and as I fell, I did not scream I smiled, and went towards the light
12.
I woke in a smoking crater the remains of pan nedrex a small crowd stood and stared as I emerged from the wreck slow applause began, at first and then a wave of cheers the general stood at my side his eyes awash with tears "we saw everything", he said, "using satellite video" "you saved the Earth AGAIN", he said "how can we ever repay you?" "I don't need any thanks", I said "I only did my part" "besides, any excuse to kill a wizard... and eat his heart"

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recorded 2013 - 2016 in assorted locations

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released February 8, 2016

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Toby Vok UK

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